In an effort to make our world a better place and relieve guilt with the least amount of effort we would like to welcome you to Universal Offsets. Below you will find a list of categories with the available offsets. If you would like to have one of your behaviors offset (for a flat $10 fee) please send an email to captainoffset@hughes.net with the category and number of the offset you would like to receive. You will receive back instructions on payment and, after payment is received, a picture of your offset being carried out will be emailed to you.
Feel free to add offset ideas under the comments in the various categories and we will do our best to meet your needs. More offsets will be added on a regular basis so check back often.
Thank you for doing the least you can to make our world a better place, we hope you feel better.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Health Offsets
1) If you are overweight for each offset purchased we will have someone lose 5 pounds.
2) If you eat too much meat for each offset purchased we will have someone eat a vegetarian meal.
3) If you don't workout enough for each offset purchased we will go to the gym.
4) If you are working out to much for each offset purchased we will spend an extra hour watching TV.
2) If you eat too much meat for each offset purchased we will have someone eat a vegetarian meal.
3) If you don't workout enough for each offset purchased we will go to the gym.
4) If you are working out to much for each offset purchased we will spend an extra hour watching TV.
Work Offsets
1) If you are working too much overtime for each offset purchased we will spend 30 minutes at work doing nothing.
2) If you are making personal copies at the office for each offset purchased we will provide a ream of paper for our office from personal funds.
3) If you play games on your computer during worktime for each offset purchased we will turn off our computer for 10 minutes.
4) If you use your work internet for personal use for each offset purchased we will look up work related information and send it to a co-worker.
2) If you are making personal copies at the office for each offset purchased we will provide a ream of paper for our office from personal funds.
3) If you play games on your computer during worktime for each offset purchased we will turn off our computer for 10 minutes.
4) If you use your work internet for personal use for each offset purchased we will look up work related information and send it to a co-worker.
Hygiene Offsets
1) If you don't wash your hands after using the restroom for each offset purchased we will wash our hands and extra time after using the restroom.
2) If you don't shower every day for each offset purchased we will take and extra daily shower.
3) If you don't brush your teeth enough for each offset purchased we will brush our teeth and extra time daily.
4) If you only rinse your dishes and don't wash them thorougly for each offset purchased we will wash our dishes twice.
2) If you don't shower every day for each offset purchased we will take and extra daily shower.
3) If you don't brush your teeth enough for each offset purchased we will brush our teeth and extra time daily.
4) If you only rinse your dishes and don't wash them thorougly for each offset purchased we will wash our dishes twice.
Wife Offsets
1) If you haven't told your husband you love him for each offset purchased we will have a wife tell her husband she loves him.
2) If you have lost an argument to your husband for each offset purchased we will have a husband give in to his wife and admit defeat during an argument.
3) If you haven't made a home cooked meal for a while for each offset purchased we will have a wife make a homemade meal.
4) If you don't watch sports with your husband for each offset purchased we will have a wife watch an entire sporting event with her husband.
2) If you have lost an argument to your husband for each offset purchased we will have a husband give in to his wife and admit defeat during an argument.
3) If you haven't made a home cooked meal for a while for each offset purchased we will have a wife make a homemade meal.
4) If you don't watch sports with your husband for each offset purchased we will have a wife watch an entire sporting event with her husband.
Husband Offsets
1) If you lied to your wife about working while you were actually playing golf for each offset purchased we will have a husband lie to their wife and tell them they played golf while they were really working.
2) If you have lied to you wife when asked, "How do I look?", for each offset purchased we will have a husband be honest with his wife when asked.
3) If you have lied to your wife when asked, "Do I look fat?", for each offset purchased we will have a husband be honest with his wife when asked.
4) If you don't talk enough with your wife for each offset purchased we will have a husband spend 15 minutes of conversation with their wife WITH eye contact.
2) If you have lied to you wife when asked, "How do I look?", for each offset purchased we will have a husband be honest with his wife when asked.
3) If you have lied to your wife when asked, "Do I look fat?", for each offset purchased we will have a husband be honest with his wife when asked.
4) If you don't talk enough with your wife for each offset purchased we will have a husband spend 15 minutes of conversation with their wife WITH eye contact.
Animal Offsets
1) If you strike your pet for every offset purchased we will pet an animal 5 times and give it a kiss on the forehead
2) If you run over and kill an animal in your vehical for every offset purchased we will go to the humane society and help nurse and animal to health.
3) If you go days without changing your cats litter for every offset purchased we will change our cats litter and extra time.
4) If you don't take your animal out for excercise for every offset purchased we will walk an animal one mile.
2) If you run over and kill an animal in your vehical for every offset purchased we will go to the humane society and help nurse and animal to health.
3) If you go days without changing your cats litter for every offset purchased we will change our cats litter and extra time.
4) If you don't take your animal out for excercise for every offset purchased we will walk an animal one mile.
Children's Offsets
1) If you are playing to many video games for each offset purchased we will have children to play an inning of baseball outside.
2) If you aren't cleaning your room for each offset purchased we will have a child clean their room in your place.
3) If you don't do your chores for each offset purchased we will assing a chore to another child.
4) If you never eat dinner with your family around a table for each offset purchased we will have children eat a dinner with their parents around a dinner table.
2) If you aren't cleaning your room for each offset purchased we will have a child clean their room in your place.
3) If you don't do your chores for each offset purchased we will assing a chore to another child.
4) If you never eat dinner with your family around a table for each offset purchased we will have children eat a dinner with their parents around a dinner table.
Working Mom Offsets
1) If your work outside the home and never seem to have time for youself for each offset purchased we will have a stay at home mom eat some ice-cream and watch a half hour of TV in the middle of the day.
2) If you never have time to make dinners for each offset purchased we will have a woman to make a dinner for thier family.
3) If you are missing helping your children with their homework for each offset purchased we will have a woman spend 10 minutes helping a child with homework.
4) If you haven't had time to clean for each offset purchased we will clean one room.
2) If you never have time to make dinners for each offset purchased we will have a woman to make a dinner for thier family.
3) If you are missing helping your children with their homework for each offset purchased we will have a woman spend 10 minutes helping a child with homework.
4) If you haven't had time to clean for each offset purchased we will clean one room.
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